My heart hurts.

It aches like the first and only time I started to read a Danielle Steel novel. I read one chapter and threw it away. I never did it again. It was too painful.

Or when I went to the movies with a guy friend from high school and watched Terms of Endearment. I thought I would die of the pain in my chest. I was too embarrassed to sob in front of him, so I tried to hold it in. The drama hit too close to home and I couldn’t contain it as we left the theatre.

I encounter the same pain now if I watch: Where The Red Fern Grows, Marley or even Mrs. Doubtfire when the Dad drives away from his kids and one runs after the car. I’m toast!

Today, I hurt and the pain remains and lingers. I can’t throw the book away; I can’t walk out of the theatre or turn off the television.

It’s my reality. Tears stay close to the surface and at times I just sob. Something is missing. I start to think:
·        What did I forget to do?

·        Am I supposed to be somewhere?

·        What should I be doing?

What is missing is my Bill.

For several years he called me EVERY morning with a Bible verse – now the phone doesn’t ring.

·        I miss his voice.

·        I miss his friendship.

·        I miss caring for him.

·        I miss him.

After losing my awesome Mother-in-law in March, we lost our dear friend Bill in June. I am glad, “The Lord is close to the brokenhearted and saves those crushed in spirit”. Psalm 34:18

In death you truly realize how fragile life is……