Gut Wrenching Heartbreak

I am horribly afraid; heart-pounding, head throbbing, tear jerking, breath-taking extreme fear.

I wish it was a dream and I would wake up and it would be gone. But today, it is my reality.

Everyday my thoughts are consumed with what if? What if they die? What if the police show up? What will my friends think? What could I have done different? Why? Why? Why?

And then the fear turns to seething anger……….

Anger because their choices are killing them. Rage because they don’t care enough about themselves to change. And feeling frustrated because I cannot help them.

Having to let go……and I don’t know how………
I just don’t know how……..

In trying to help, I only thwart. In exposing the lies, I only get lied to. The lying, stealing, drama, chaos, cover-ups, and the drinking that all encompass the lifestyle are unfathomable to me.

 And then the anger turns to tears……….

Tears of immense sadness fill my eyes.  Tears of hopelessness drench my cheeks. Unable to contain the gut-wrenching grief that someone I love is killing themself with drugs.

And then the fear returns….and we start the cycle over again and again and again…..

Yet this morning something changed……

In Jesus Calling, by Sarah Young, todays devotion shared, “Release into my care anything that is troubling you”….from 1 Peter 5:7.

Are you serious? As I lay in a fetal position in the middle of the floor sobbing, ANYTHINGthat is troubling me?

·         The fear is screaming, plan the funeral………

·         The anger is ranting, why should I?…..

·         The tears are sniveling….. No, Lord don’t let it happen……..

Yes, unsurprisingly, God afresh faithfully shows up…..and once again speaks truth to me.  

Although this was for my quiet time and spoke directly to my heart……..

I also pray it over my loved one……..

“I ask God from the wealth of his glory to give you power
through his Spirit to be strong in your inner selves,
and I pray that Christ will make his home in your hearts through faith.
 I pray that you may have your roots and foundation in love,
so that you, together with all God’s people,
may have the power to understand how broad and long,
how high and deep, is Christ’s love.
Yes, may you come to know his love—
although it can never be fully known—
and so be completely filled with the very nature of God”.
 Ephesians 3:16-19

Friends, we would so value your prayers……………….

2 thoughts on “Gut Wrenching Heartbreak”

  1. Esi Mathis says:

    Dana, how powerful, and painfully beautiful! Yes, of course, you have my prayers. May the Lord of Heaven and earth move on the heart of the one so deeply loved, though deeply deceived. HE is Able.
    Love, Esi

  2. Myrna Parks says:

    Dana, I printed this off the email you sent me. Have prayed for you and this morning, I mailed a copy to my grandson who is in rehab and may possibly be going to prison. I grieve with you and for you for the living who are perishing for lack of knowledge; not because they do not have it, but because they reject (like people in chapter 4 of Hosea). Keep up the good work; I've come to believe that great faith usually comes from persevering through great trials. I love you.

Comments are closed.