Holding On Too Tightly
Holding On Too Tightly

December 4, 2010 
Don and I went to dinner last night at a restaurant beside the water in Hawaii. We parked our rental car in a secured parking lot and went to eat. We were gone about an hour and when we returned to the car I drove and Don got in the passenger seat. When his long legs hit the open glove compartment he asked, “Dana did you get in the glove compartment?” I then looked over to the see the center console open, and we both jumped out of the car to check the trunk. Sure enough, Don’s golf clubs were gone! They were still in the carry bag for the airplane ride. Inside the bag of course were his clubs, his shoes, my Bible, a pair of my shoes, and a sweatshirt. I didn’t realize immediately that my Bible was in there also. I felt bad for Don but he can always go buy a new set. I also didn’t comprehend that the clubs were made for his height and his putter was irreplaceable. The magnitude of the situation hit me when he gently reminded me my Bible was in there. Then I knew exactly how he felt. The total value was around $4000. His clubs were valuable to him as my Bible was precious to me. My Bible was so many personal notes for me. A few wrote on facebook to say that they were sorry and may someone read it and have a changed life.
I am so struggling with that! I don’t want someone to have a changed life with MY Bible. It was mine, and precious to ME! Today, I feel such a loss. I am so mad and yet feel like such a selfish brat. Don and I just took a walk down the beach area and talked about our loss. As we stopped for lunch, I got out a napkin and starting writing down things that we hold onto too tightly. We came up with a list such as; material things, money, kids, and jobs. I asked for his hand and asked him give it to me with grasped closed fingers. I tried prying his fingers open and couldn’t do it. I shared, “I think this is how the Lord feels when we hold onto things too tightly. He has to pry it from our hands.”
Our conversation continued with a bible study I heard last week. If we would live our lives knowing that this life is temporary and our real home is in heaven, we would feel differently about situations. Viewing “stuff” as if everything we had was loaned to us, we would treat it differently. Although Don and I can both go buy new clubs and Bible, they were personal to us, and maybe we held onto a little too tight.
Honestly, this is going to be a process for both of us. There is a whole lot of emotions brewing and they change from moment to moment! I truly can be a brat. We are half way through our trip and many memories have already been made.
On our first day, a major accident on the freeway prohibited us from leaving home for four hours. When we finally got on the freeway, it was absolute chaos. California drivers are truly insane. They lose their minds. No doubt about it, ROAD RAGE had to have been implemented in California! It took us one hour to go 2 miles. Our flight the next morning was pretty bumpy. At one point it felt like the bottom fell out and a lot of people screamed. I was so thankful that I had taken some Dramamine! But what I did not know is that it stays in your system for 24 hours. I was one lethargic puppy!
Secondly, we get to our hotel that we have stayed at the previous times only to be told that the room we requested was not available. We stay at the Waikiki Beach Tower because it has an unobstructed view of the ocean and looks right over the beach. Each room has a balcony that is 20 feet long by 8 feet wide. The middle rooms no one can see in, so you can sleep with your bedroom doors open and hear the ocean all night long. I love it! I can sit on my patio and no one can see me, yet all I see is the vast Pacific Ocean.  I wanted to cry and the attendants knew it. We gave our name and the person at the desk, said Rausch? Are you Brent’s parents? I thought, Oh Lord I just embarrassed my son by being selfish! I went and sat down in the lobby and let Don take care of it when suddenly a gentlemen walks in the front door and points to me. He walks over with a smile on his face and says, Mrs. Rausch? Are you Brent’s Mom?” All I could do is laugh! He was the General Manager and guess what he did? We are staying on the very top floor in the PENTHOUSE! We didn’t get the room we requested, yet we are on the 40th floor and we can see for miles! A Jacuzzi tub is in the bathroom even! I have taken two a day! Did you know that you can’t put bubbles in a Jacuzzi tub? I learned the hard way, but don’t tell Don!
Thirdly, this morning we went to have coffee with Brent because the football team stays at a hotel Friday night before games. I have had something for a few weeks to share with him that I wanted to do in person. I have prayed that it would come out correctly and that he would be able to receive it. He received it and was so ready to hear it.  Tonight is his last league game and then one more Bowl game and his college football career is finished. He let us know that he is going to go on. He is not walking away from football. Nothing could have made us more proud.
In Job it says, “The Lord giveth and the Lord taketh away”, the old King James Version. We truly are experiencing it in this trip! We had no idea how tight we had been holding on to things!