By
Dana Rausch
/ December 3, 2013
Nine years ago on December 18th, I was diagnosed with cancer. Every year that reminder hits me. I am grateful to be cancer free today, but the road to that recovery was fierce. The plethora of tests, medications, thyroid surgery and then radiation treatments left a deep-seated mental scar. It hovers at the surface of my mind every December.
Yesterday, December 2, I received a pleasant call from my friend Sharon confirming an appointment with my favorite doctor; Dr. Lindley for my annual check-up. It was immediately followed with a call from Eisenhower Hospital where I had a mammogram last week. The doctor found something and needs me to come back for a second one and immediately after to have an ultrasound done.
It’s ALWAYS a little frightening to receive that request.
Because what it does is cause worry and fear to break through the surface of what every year at this time lingers in my mind: For it was this very thing that led to the prior cancer diagnosis.
A lump was found, mammogram performed, a follow-up requested, the lump aspirated, more tests taken, the more tests ordered and a choice to be made.
The doctor said, “I see something there. We can wait, try medication, or do surgery. I don’t think we have anything to worry about, I don’t feel it is cancer, but the choice is yours.”
I opted for surgery.
Surprisingly that choice came at the shock, dismay and even accusations of my lack of faith by well-meaning church friends. I am grateful I was not swayed by their opinions because it was not until the surgery was being done that the doctor found the cancer. In retrospect, as I contemplate the doctor’s request today……. yes I falter a little in fear. Yet at the same time I see growth in my responses.
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In 2005:
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In 2013:
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I cowered in the corner and tried to handle it all alone.
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I stood strong and ran to my friends for prayer.
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I blamed God for being unfair.
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I thanked God that He loves me.
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I resented other people’s stories of their experience.
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I understand how people feel enduring this.
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I felt like I had done something wrong.
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I know that circumstances happen that have nothing to do with who I am.
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I felt so alone.
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I surround myself with friends.
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My pride kept me from asking for help.
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I humbly ask for help.
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It was all about me.
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It’s all about God.
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I am thankful:
· I am a different person today than I was then…
· I am surrounded with wonderful friends…
· Fear is now in the back seat instead of driver’s seat.
· God has taken on a completely different role in my life…
Tomorrow, I will be receiving a new mammogram with peace, courage and confidence. Thank you for your prayers and concerns.
Cast all your anxiety on him because he cares for you. 1 Peter 5:7
