I Trust You, But….

As the recipient of many pranks, my husband doesn’t trust me easily. He no longer asks me to make his sandwiches in fear that I will leave on the cheese wrapper. Or put in a bag of half eaten cookies.

He thinks twice before walking into a dark room that I have entered minutes before. Because 33 years ago when he came to bed minutes after I had, I was hiding. As he reached in for the light switch, I softly grasped his hand. I scared him so badly he fell to his knees moaning in fear.

My husband also always locks the bathroom door. Too many pitchers of iced water thrown over the shower door I guess…..
Our kids have jumped on the bandwagon and pull their own pranks. Don’s birthday is celebrated on several occasions. Regardless of the time of year, they let the waitress know it’s his birthday. Don Rausch could break the record of having Happy Birthday sung to him in a given year.

Most of our shenanigans are in fun and we’ve laughed together. Those times have lightened the load, brought us closer together and connected us.

Yet is has also created some trust issues.

When I had startled Don that he fell to his knees, what I didn’t know is it had triggered a memory. When he was 11 years old at home alone an intruder was in the house. Watching TV in the den, he heard a noise when he turned toward it, a man standing was in the doorway.  

It is not normal for my tall masculine man to act in such a way. Yet it does IF…. he has had unusual circumstances in his past.

Proverbs 3:5-6 says, “Trust in the Lord with all of your heart…”

We both struggle because it is easier said, than done.

I also have trust issues but from a different source.

Similar to a child standing on the edge of a pool, I want to trust an adult saying, “Jump, I’ll catch you!” But too many times they didn’t catch me. They let me go underwater and flail my arms trying to break the surface. But I couldn’t. When they finally helped, I knew never to jump in again.

When I couldn’t trust others, I vowed to do it myself. People were not reliable therefore I wasn’t going to need anybody because they couldn’t be trusted. Their promises were empty words.

Yet I want to trust the Lord, with my whole heart but it’s hard. In doing so, I’m finding that simultaneously I have to let go of those broken promises and the people who made them.

In releasing them, it becomes clearer that the Lord can be trusted wholeheartedly. I can fall back into arms that will certainly catch me.
  • When He says, I’ve got your back – He does. Isa. 52:12
  • When He says, I love you – I can believe it. Jer. 31:3
  • When He says, I know the plans I have for you – I can trust they are good. Jer. 29:11

Yes, it is in those baby steps that trust becomes established and the old patterns crumble.

Well, some of them.

Alright, I’ll try to lighten up on the pranks. However the Bible does say in Proverbs 17:22, “A merry heart does good, like medicine.” Therefore we are staying young and healthy because laughter makes the endorphins flow. Nevertheless I will try to not embarrass him when I randomly break out in fits of hysterics reminiscing of his epic reactions.

I love you Don Rausch. Do you still want to grow old with me?

1 thought on “I Trust You, But….”

  1. I hear you on the trust issues. I'm learning. Trust all over again. Baby steps.
    I am learning to trust me. It is almost as hard as forgiving and loving myself.
    Thank you Lord for loving this mess and showing me how to make it a message. Amen

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