Losing Control
Losing Control

Know or Go is a suspenseful game played on a few TV shows. Standing on a lifted platform a person is asked a question. If they answer correctly they remain upright. If they answer wrong, the flooring drops out from beneath them and they fall into oblivion.

Watching the contestants some are so nervous anticipating the floor dropping out they can’t answer the question. Others knowing they’ve answered wrong wait in agony for it to happen. Taken by surprise their arms flail and they scream on their descent.

Today, I feel that everything I have put my safety in is falling. It seems like I am standing on the platform of Know or Go, just waiting for the floor to drop. My security has been shaken.

·       I held security in a job.

·       I held security in friends.

·       I held security in my bank account.

·       I held security in our company.

·       I held security in my family.

·       I held security in my health.

The floor has dropped out of five of my six. My heart is racing, my knees are shaking and my thoughts are dazed as I anticipate the fall.

And it is completely out of my control.

I think that makes it worse. Because I have prided myself in the fact that as long as I can keep control of things or people, they can’t hurt me. And I feel like I am failing as I lose my grip on control.

Yet at the same time a verse I have heard numerous times in the last year as been made real to me. Jeremiah 2:13 says, “My people have committed two sins: They have forsaken me, the spring of living water, and have dug their own cisterns, broken cisterns that cannot hold water.”

I’ve been wrong.

I have committed those two sins. I have forsaken God who is the spring of living water, (everything I need) for other things. I have ditched him for a job, my friends, my bank account, our company, my family and my health.

Forsaken means to give up something that you once held dear, to leave or abandon. And I honestly admit the above listed items have become more important than the Lord in my life. They consume my thoughts, my actions and my time.

And to cover this behavior, aka sin, I build artificial reservoirs to try and store some of the living water I have access to. On the surface I look like a good Christian as I attempt to maintain this good image. I certainly want to make God look good.

Yet in reality, all I am doing (as my friend Kathy says) is sucking mud. My living water is running out. Because the fake basins I’ve made, have holes in them. They can’t contain the awesomeness, goodness and vastness of God. So what I have left is a puddle of mud, and I’m wallowing in it.

I’ve learned two lessons.

First, those things I’ve put my security in are wrong. It should always be Him. Psalm 147:11 reminds me, “The Lord takes pleasure in those who reverently andworshipfully fear Him, in those who hope in His mercy and loving-kindness.”

Secondly, control is clear proof to distrusting God. I don’t trust Him enough to get me through these challenges. I think I can do it better. What a farce!

Beth Moore said in her new Bible Study titled, Children of the Day:

“I am not in control. I cannot control all my people. I cannot control our situation. Even when I want what is best. I cannot control the outcome. I cannot make people behave, I cannot make people believe, I cannot make people strong, because I am not God! He alone knows the end from the beginning. He alone knows how this thing turns out.

I hereby fire myself from His job, and I agree to see my fight for control for what it really is – a screaming testament of my distrust!”

Oh Lord….. forgive me for again I’ve been wrong. Thank you that my failure is no match for your Grace.

3 thoughts on “Losing Control”

  1. Dana, thanks for sharing your heart and your struggles. Wise insights, too! I'm praying and care ever-so-much for you!

  2. Dana Rausch says:

    Thank you Kathy. I could say the very same words back to you. I love you my friend!

  3. Dana, preach it, sister!

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