Nesting Dolls

June 30, 2010 

Nesting dolls are wooden dolls that are “nested” one inside the other. The first one and largest one opens and you find another wooden doll inside. You open that one and another is inside. You continue to open them until the last one. There are usually five or more dolls and has even gone up to over twenty dolls inside one another. They come in a variety of themes. The very first ones were usually a mother for the first one and when you get to the last one and smallest, it was usually a baby. Now they make them in Disney characters, movie stars, Christmas themes, etc.

Today, I find myself in a predicament. This morning, as I was doing my bible study, I was instructed to write out the definition of captivity: “A Christian is held captive by anything that hinders the abundant and effective Spirit-filled life God planned for her.” If I am not living the abundant life or being effective what is it that is hindering my life?

I began pondering that. What is it that keeps me living a defeated life? Right now, I am wounded. I have lived with pain for so long that I am almost numb to it. I just accept the fact that it is life. Life is painful. Words don’t mean much. If you say I am sorry, I don’t believe it. If you tell me you love me, I don’t believe it. I have built such a hard outer shell to protect myself that love no longer penetrates. I am just like a nesting doll.

Instead of dealing with the issues at hand, I have just added another layer over top to protect myself, but at the same time become less and less of me. I find myself the outer layer of a nesting doll that looks good on the outside, and to the observer looks like I have matured and grown. But on the inside I am just a scared little girl learning to cope. The problem being my coping skills were all wrong. I have learned to mask the pain. Actually, I have created a habit of running from the pain. And the Lord is saying, “Enough.”

I think of the relationships I have run away from. The friendships I have let go by the way side, because I didn’t know how to fight it through. The situations I just ran away from. The years I wasted.

In my study notes, I had written….dealing with the same issues for years? It’s time to do something different! In Luke, the woman with the issue of blood for 12 years had exhausted all her resources. She knew she had to get to Jesus. “This is the story of her resolution to cross the border of legitimate behavior to gain access to Divine power. “ (New International Commentary of the New Testament).

I am going to be crossing the border as I take off the layers. I can rest in the knowledge that I will not go through any pain that the Lord has not endured before me. He allows a wounding so that I can get a healing. And I need major surgery! Could you please pray for me while I am in recovery?